Snippets Vol. 1

There's not really a subject for this post, it's just odds and ends of things I've been wondering all week. The occasional paragraph rant or one liner to represent my thoughts are going to be here in a little piece I call "snippets."

When I was in the cafeteria the other day, I swore I heard, "-what vagina does that?" Of course, I was intrigued. What the hell were these strange people talking about? I turned to find them but noticed that there were several groups of people behind me. Now, I will never know what that conversation was about, nor will my curiosity be satisfied without knowing the answer. Thus, I'll be bothered by it the whole day. I had experienced a snippet. A snippet (by my definition) is a piece of a conversation, TV show, Radio show, or something of the sort that you hear and it completely baffles you. It's usually in passing when you hear it and it astounds you because you need to know why they said it. Here we go then!

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Why are so many people so damn bitter on Valentine's day? Just because they don't have someone to share it with, they're going to bitch to the world. I don't complain when Chanukah comes around because they have eight nights of presents and us Christians only get one. Some seem to think it's cool and rebellious to walk around in their little veil of v-day (the 'hip' slang for the holiday by giving it a liking to d-day) angst, spiting everyone holding hands. This is the first year I've ever had a reason to celebrate valentine's day, but I wasn't bitter any of the other 13 years I can remember. I wasn't a brooding, drooling, angry gorilla about the whole thing. Get over it. You don't need to have a holiday to love someone anyways, you should be giving them this kind of treatment every day.
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Have you ever used one of those jet-engine hand dryers? I was at a convenience store recently and in the bathroom, they had this automatic hand dryer that could peel skin. I was half asleep after a long trip and I put my hands under it, only to have both of them severed at the wrists and my body thrown to the ground. I think they went a little overboard.
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The next person who tells me not to eat meat is getting kicked in the groin
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The next person who tells me rap is good music is getting kicked in the groin
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The next person who tells me not to eat meat and listen to rap music is getting a gentle push off the side of a cliff . . . into shark infested water
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Marguerite Perrin is next week's FASOW. Go to her official website to find out why
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Jack Thompson still has not responded to any of my e-mails. His status is now, "cowardly political skidmark." Do they do testicular transplants yet? Time to get one, Jackoff
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Why do people insist on buying a 16 oz. bottle of Evian water for two bucks? Isn't that a bit of a waste? You could have bought the two dollar hooker you always wanted and contracted a less infectious disease than your pathetic consumerisms
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www.ytmnd.com wins the Ass-Kickery Award for the week for . . . well, kicking so much ass
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No one watches the Olympics. Why bother televising them? And why does anyone bother facing Canada? I passed the channel they were on and saw that they were raping Italy 10-0. Why fuckin' bother, eh?
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That has been my randomness for today. If you are offended, suck a duck.