Low Blows and Head Shots

Check it out: Fat Lip Film

2010-01-25T00:03:00.002-05:00

So my best buddy Michael Lippi is an aspiring filmmaker and he has started up his own blog (against his better judgment) to review and critique film. He's quite the blunt and cruel individual when it comes to ranting about films, so if you enjoy a good, hard review of a movie (or just want to see a particular movie get its skull caved in) then check out his blog in my links.

Lately I've been keeping up with creative work. I draw a webcomic for my forum General Forum so I've been revamping my work. It's a ton of fun despite my severe lack of creative knowledge (I stick to MSPaint but hopefully a drawing tablet is in my future). Here's an example of it:

I've been doing a lot of soul searching after losing my job (company let me go, didn't have the budget, that's basically it) because I know I'm still young and school is still an option. I'm just not sure what I want to do with my life. Like most people, I want a job that I won't dread going to each day and I settled on a few ideas and all of them are in the creative realm. Gaming is my ideal field, I love everything about it. I've spent a lot of time in my life playing, reviewing and even writing essays on gaming. I may sound like a sociopath, but video gaming is not only my past time of choice, it's also a huge social phenomena that is changing the face of entertainment and our very own society. My writing has always had influences in gaming and I would love to put my talents to work in the gaming realm. Yet I would love to teach and sadly, my choices have come down to money issues. I'll keep you posted.

I also saw The Book of Eli and I'll try and post a review. Needless to say, it's an awesome flick but definitely not something a lot of people will enjoy.

"I lost 3 pounds of fat per week following this 1 old rule . . ."

2009-06-02T10:47:00.002-04:00

. . . getting off my fat ass and moving around."

Or at least, that's what I think their big secret is. One of the biggest industries in the world today is the diet industry and people, we're the reason they're so big. Let me enlighten you my fellow lard cakes on why the "fad diet" needs to go the way of the dodo and why you should be equally extinct for believing any of their claims.

First off, everyone has a different body. I know, shocking. I had to sit down and drink four Pepsi colas before that sunk in. Shortly before a sugar rush. Simply put, everyone has different shapes, sizes and body chemistries, meaning no diet works for everyone except one: EXERCISE. Eat green, eat brown, and move your dumb ass around, that's all you have to do. I'm learning this the hard way because after four years of abusing my body in college, I got a wake up call in the form of my doctor who looked over my blood work and informed me that I could develop diabetes if I didn't change my diet. Chronic illnesses that require constant blood drawing are a good way of setting a man's priorities.

Fad diets have some positives. They are getting people more concerned about their weight and they are getting people healthier. Of all the diets I've seen, I have to say the worst really seems to be the NutriSystem type diets, the ones where the food is sent to you. I prefer Weight Watchers because the whole focus is portion control, something I think is the core problem of the civilized worlds' weight problems.

Bah, bored now. I'll write more later. But probably not. Maybe.

No.

Money

2009-02-17T22:18:00.001-05:00

I'll put it right out there: I don't value money. Period. I've always had the philosophy that I can always get more so why be worried about it? That's not to say I'm happy being poor or wish to be, but I think people let money rule their lives a lot deeper than they believe.

That's all. I just don't want money to rule my life.

Feminism and Gaming Meet: Fat Princess

2008-07-23T07:46:00.020-04:00

Okay, no more cut and pasted rants from the past months that I haven't posted here. Time for something new and awesome enough - game related! Unfortunately, we have to tread water in the lake of uber-feminism, so remember: It's not mankind, it's humankind.

http://www.feministgamers.com/?p=466

Read the above article first. The whole thing (yes it's painful and full of anger but we'll get to that).

Okay, so as anybody who knows me already knows, I'm a tolerant man. I want to see the day men, women, blacks, whites, Indians, Muslims, Jews, and Christians all get along. The only problem is that I'm a realist, which means I know this will never happen. Another thing I am, is an "Excessivist" or "Extremeistist" or whatever made up word best describes someone who can't stand others who prefer to be on the very end of one spectrum or another in social viewpoints. Feminists, Conservatives, Liberals, Evangelicals, I don't like a lot of them. I think it's just incredibly ignorant to stay so far from the middle. Perhaps it's because I value balance and I think people should strive for some middle ground but alas that will never happen.

On topic of the article, it rubbed me the wrong way right from the start. The author, Mighty Ponygirl, starts off with a lovely, sweeping assumption about the population of Playstation users, claiming, "...if I didn’t care one whit about the objectification of women or fat-bashing, I would think this was the best thing since… well, Team Fortress 2. And I’m quite sure that this describes 99% of the PSN players out there, so I’m sure the game will do very well." I'm hoping I interpreted this wrong but it seems like she's suggesting that all Playstation gamers are sexist morons. Like I said, it already began to rub me wrong even though I'm for the same equality she is. I'd love to see more women in gaming.

The next part that angered me quite effectively was this passage:

Instead of running out into the forest to find cake to fatten up the princess with, why not go out and find gold (which is a lot heavier than cake) to stuff into a treasure chest. The more gold in the chest, the heavier it would be, and the harder it would be to carry.

Oh, but that’s not as “cute” as cake and fat chicks. Right.

No, actually it isn't as cute. The game isn't called "Rape the Ugly Fat Whore" or "Fatten up The Big Bitch" so why is it being treated this way? I appreciate her inclusion of an alternative but to be honest with you, it sounds . . boring the other way around. At least with a cute little avatar of a princess, you get a goofy atmosphere because of the comically exaggerated characters. That's all they are, comically exaggerated! Besides, since when was it against feminism for men to bring women food? I thought it went the other way around? Also, what about games where men are objectified? Never mind, I'll get to that later.

All intentional thickness aside, I just don't see what she's so upset about. I think this is similar to the Resident Evil 5 Racism bullshit that has transpired over the last few months. People see something touchy like racism or feminism and then cry rivers of tears from the tallest e-Towers they can reach (Ponygirl's tower is about two floors at most with no basement).

So how about layering, Karamari-style, a bunch of random shit on top of the chest, like shrubbery, rocks, bison, etc, that would also weight it down. That could be cute, and silly, and not reinforce nasty stereotypes about women and the obese.

What nasty stereotype about obese people is being presented? That it takes an army to carry some of them? That's not stereotypical, that's fact. Huge, gut grumbling fact. Also, I can see the problems she's talking about with the princess in regards to the images of women. It shows them as lazy, helpless damsels who need men for everything. I can dig that sentiment, it's wrong and quite disturbing to a chivalristic man like myself who can't help but hold every door, offer any layer of clothing, or resist the chance to help any person in need, male or female.

Amusingly enough, that's the end of the article. She's got nothing else to say. In my mind, it was nothing but troll bait because not only does she take some serious joy in calling every single person responding to her post a troll, but she does it with over-defensive glee. One person responded quite well, making a few valid points such as a shared sentiment of mine that we coddle certain folk too much:

http://www.feministgamers.com/?p=466#comment-7684

However, her response was swift and as graceful as an epileptic at a rave with one good leg and poor depth perception.

Sexism and fat-bashing go hand-in hand. My post was meant to point out that a game, no matter how interesting the game mechanic is and how “play-worthy” it is can still be harmful and reinforce harmful stereotypes. And your concern trolling about how oh we shouldn’t celebrate those poor unhealthy fatties can go away: people suffer from obesity for a number of reasons, including genetic reasons (like, say, being born black).

Then like all poor debaters, she brings racism into the issue.

Great.

A conversational red flag. It's a national signal meaning, "Stop discussing and walk away" because no one wants to touch it with a ten foot pole. Well, I'm going to touch it. As a matter of fact, I'm going to date it, fuck it, and splurge in it's goddamn face. Why? Mainly because I love my grinding humor but also because I'm not some guilty white guy who thinks that I can't talk about racism because of it.

Blogs like this posted by people like Ponygirl are the reason I play violent video games because with so many idiotic and ignorant self-absorbed people in this world, it's impossible to not have a vent of sorts. I think I'll make a game myself, just to get some anger out of them. Perhaps I'll call it "Bitch Sucks me Off Then Bakes a Cake" or "The WNBA Sucks and Other Facts". You know, real wholesome names that people like her expect.

Before I end this lovely discussion, I'd like to point out that men would never get away with this (ho ho and boy are men objectified and stereotyped in games). Why? Because men aren't "in". It's cool to be a feminist now, it's no longer about rights movements like it used to be. Most feminists today are snooty coffee shop intellectuals who only believe in the cause because it was in a magazine or one of their friends told them about it. Uh-oh, looks I pulled a Ponygirl with that sweeping generalization, my b. It really is quite disgusting that many important rights movements such as racial and sexual (both gender and sex issues) are being reduced to Myspace blog chatter rather than serious political and newsworthy issues. The worst part is that no one else seems to realize this.

Want to do something that matters? Why don't you go out there and actually change something rather than sniping at preteen boys for playing a game revolving around a woman the size of a small continent? Are you afraid or something?

I understand the power of messages sent through gaming being a gamer myself now for 17+ years (since I was 4). I understand also that games reach a massive audience. However, what people like Ponygirl do not understand is the simple truth that a childish game like this does not do as much damage as they think. Shouldn't you be targeting these trashy magazines and musicians who act as nothing more than meatbags? I played Mario a lot when I was little but that didn't teach me that women are submissive princesses who get kidnapped easily and must be rescued by men. There's a strong air of equality these days and I think kids today are more tolerant than ever.

So I guess my bottom line here is that there are much bigger fish to fry and that games like this don't do nearly as much damage as the ear raping sirens that go off whenever people like this get ahold of non-important issues and squeeze any controversey they can out of them.

Possible headline:

Sonic the Hedgehog: A Symbol for Male Genitals?

Resident Evil 5 Racism: Stop it Already

2008-07-23T07:46:00.018-04:00

Anybody whose been following Resident Evil 5 knows that it stirred up the uber-sensitive black bee's nest with it's premier trailer. Blogs were a stormin' with news of highly insensitive and racist views of the game. I wrote about this controversey already and it pisses me off to see another bitch complain about it:

Your Black Writers: Resident Evil 5: A Travesty On All Counts

The author of this blog, who I'm only assuming is an attention whore and all around sack sore, was apparently offended by the trailer (which was sent to him by a friend under the name "African Genocide"). The only problem is, it's quite apparent this guy (just like every other person who got pissed by this trailer) has no knowledge on the game or it's history. People who make a living lying to people like this are pathetic.

At this point, I'm contemplating getting the trailer and editing it myself with blackface and "firing my laser!" memes just to make it purposely racist, just to satisfy all these closet racists who try to sound all righteous by shooting down a game that they claim is so dangerous and demeaning.

For the last time you fucking loonies:

Resident Evil 5 IS NOT RACIST. IT DEPICTS AFRICANS AS ZOMBIES BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE GAME TAKES PLACE. There have been white and Spanish zombies as well but where were you with your bitch-ass blog postings then? Oh yeah, it's because THERE WERE NO BLACK ZOMBIES. You want to be accepted into this society and fight racism? Cut bullshit like this. If some white supremacist group spoke out against another game for white people dying, you'd laugh your dicks off and buy the games yourself.

RESIDENT EVIL IS NOT RACIST

YOU'RE CAUSING RACISM BY CALLING IT OUT OF NOTHING

YOU'RE MAKING PEOPLE HATE YOU EVEN MORE

Seriously.

Step off and stop being such pansy ass bitches and realize that not everything is racism. Maybe then, people will stop being afraid or weary of black people when you stop waving your red flags at everything. Want to stop feeling separated? Stop calling so much fucking attention to yourselves.

Fanboys

2008-07-23T07:42:00.003-04:00

Okay, it's time for some minimally filtered anger . . . again. This time, it's aimed at God's abortions, sometimes called ass cancers or dick sores. To the rest of us, they're fan boys.

Let's start off with a comic from Ctrl+Alt+Del, by Tim Buckley.

I really wish I could be the hand in that photo sometimes. Maybe not God him/her/itself, but someone with the power to just . . "splotch" someone into the muddy ground they're standing on when they start bitching about "their" consoles.

Fan boys are like rabid sports fans. They have a team they stick by religiously and viciously lash out at anyone who so much as points a critical finger in the direction of their beloveds. The difference between your typical "dedicated" (that's your euphemism of the day) sports fan and a video game fanboy/fangirl is that sports fans can be persuaded by reason a lot more often than fanboys and girls. If a sports team loses, their fans can usually see why. With consoles, there is no real competition outside of the actual game producers. For the gamers, we always win, we just get to pick how we win!

Games are meant to be a way to have fun on a rainy day, to escape to far away lands, or even to group up with distant friends for a game or two. Bottom line is that gaming has one purpose and that's entertainment. Fighting over video games is liking fighting over which kind of chocolate is better, dark or milk. They're both fucking chocolate, they're both awesome, so cut the shit and enjoy what you like!

I really can't stand surfing into a forum where some fanboy is drooling all over his keyboard about why Nintendo is "t3h suXxoRz" or some moaning zombie crying about how Microsoft "is lame and stooopid". The two meet and they duke it out in a battle of idiocy the likes of which haven't been seen since Paris Hilton starred in The Simple Life.

Hot.

So, check yourself real quick fellow gamers. Don't descend into the ranks of fandom. I've actually heard that there were fifteen commandments instead of ten and that number fourteen is, "Thou shalt not commit fanboyism for it is punishable by Virtual Boy." Also, the second part of "Thou shalt not kill" is "unless thy victim is a fanboy, then thou shalt rapeth the eyes and teareth his limbs asunder."

Seriously, you people need to cut it with this favoritism shit. Some people like Mario, some like Sonic, others like Master Chief, whatever floats your controller, who gives a damn.

Fucking shit.

Labeling Idiots

2008-07-23T07:35:00.001-04:00

This is an extremely easy to understand rant and it's a very simple discussion:

Why the ever-loving fuck are there labels for obvious and stupid shit everywhere?

Coffee: "Caution: Contents are hot"

No goddamned way!

The answer is obvious, it's all liability. If companies don't put warnings, no matter how idiotic, they get sued. That's the world we live in. There are fucking hair dryers that tell the user not to use it in water.

Are you serious?

See, this is how my twisted, un-American mind works. If you do something retarded, like say, bring your hair dryer into the bathtub with you and you suffer severe electrical injury (unfortunately, since death was the better alternative), you don't get anything. Nothing. There's no lawsuit, no money owed, no apologies. You made a ridiculously dimwitted decision and you learned from it. That's one of life's key processes, learning.

However, in the trigger happy good ol' US of A (pen trigger that is) that's not how things work. We're taught to believe that our stupid choices are not our faults, that people owe us money for our dumbass decisions. This is a very dangerous way of raising a generation because it's completely void of responsibility. Not to mention, it crushes the whole "community" idea of this country. There's almost no towns where people can be good neighbors anymore because everyone is so damn afraid of lawyers and insurance companies. Hell, you can't even be a good samaritan without worrying about the consequences!

I went to a zoo recently (about a week ago) and they had a bear exhibit going. It was lower than the walkway so that the zoo-goers could look down into the bear pen and see them interacting and doing all the lovely things bears do (like tearing up meat and shitting). I was angered but not shocked to see a sign warning patrons of the danger of black bears and to not enter the cage. I've grown to expect this sort of lunacy in our country so it was nothing new. However, if someone actually jumped in to that cage, how would I have reacted? Easy, I would not jump in to help since I'm not mentally impaired, but I would get help.

(For you smartasses ready to discharge the "what if it was a child, you sick bastard?" reaction, keep it to yourselves, young kids don't count since they're all idiots until proven otherwise)

Call that a cold reaction, I call it much needed chlorine in the gene-pool. Take for instance this guy, he's some attention whoring dumbass who stuck his finger in a jaguar cage just to look cool. Now, if that wigger got his finger or arm lopped off by the big cat, I bet you his mommy and daddy would have sued the zoo. But where is the justice in that?

I guess this rant is just another one about stupidity but yet, it's also about how we handle our business in this country. We actually teach people this kind of behavior, that just because we may have made a dumb decision, that we can take it out on the companies because they're "greedy" or "shady" or very wealthy. Take the old story about the woman (or bitch as I call her in this case) who spilled hot coffee on her legs and then sued citing that the cup didn't say the coffee was hot. Did you know that she also sat in the coffee for 90 seconds? Does that not strike anybody else as odd? If your ass is burning, take off your goddamn pants! Also, don't you know that coffee is freaking hot? Where the shit are you from where they serve 60 degree coffee? Alaskas's dick?

To end this in a summation, our society has two groups of people: brain crippled morons who act on their stupid ideas and sharkish lawmen and women who capitalize on the indugences of society to help one another no matter how fucking dumb the case is. I mean, a woman gets in trouble for spanking her kid and everyone hates her, but this hag actually sues a company for her poor thinking skills and people side with her (granted not a lot, but some did)? Looking to blame someone? Blame god for accidentally giving you a cancerous lump of grease instead of a brain.

Shit.

A Re-Introduction

2008-07-23T07:26:00.002-04:00

Low Blows and Head Shots will return, I promise. As a matter of fact, I'm updating it now with my latest rants. But for those new here, what is this magical place of seething wonder? Early on, this was merely a spot where I would rant and bitch. It was amusing and I got some laughs out of it, but ultimately I used this as a spot to post my crappy comics (which will remain dead until I'm dangerously bored). Now I have found the need to return to the pedestal and preach some more goddamn bullshit. So sit back muthafucka and enjoy the ride.

Zombified

2008-01-20T12:44:00.000-05:00

So, I have been resurrected and I may even post a new comic or two if I get the time. I feel bad for almost forgetting about this blog, but even though this is a short post, I'll see what I can do about spiffying it up a bit.

Comics 3-6

2006-07-01T20:05:00.000-04:00

I've decided that my blog site is best suited for hosting my comics, so once again, I have a new homepage. This will last a lot longer, I promise (unless I get my own domain name, very unlikely, but that's probably the only thing).

Good Times is a strip that borders on the insane and only has a few characters that appear consistently. It is meant to bring a smile to your day without always having to have a moral or point to bring about. Pop culture, politics, everyday oddities, and all-around chaos rule the strip known only as "Good Times." Blue, the main character in the strip, is . . . well, to put it lightly, it's as if Satan himself raped his eardrums and shit liquid crazy into his head. That's how lost Blue truly is. He doesn't always seem that way, but it's true. Just ask him about the monthly clam festival and how he ended up getting laid by two girls, a homeless guy, and three french hens in one night. Chaz is the self-proclaimed comedic relief of the strip . . . and he's a fly . . . that's it. "Good Times" got it's name because of the constant use of the phrase by the author's peers. The phrase usually followed a story of a strange night out or disturbing day indoors with equally odd friends. Good Times is created entirely in MS Paint . . . one because the creator is poor and two, he likes the look and feel of the whole bit. Until there is more to add, that is all. Good Times is only so young and hopefully it will garner some attention. Most of all, it's there to make you laugh. If you can laugh without taking any of it seriously, this brewski's for you.

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Please take your time out to just enjoy the comics and laugh, because that's what this is all about. I am truly not aiming for any kind of high intellectual or moral-instilling strip (as if you didn't know), these comics are here to make you, the reader, laugh. In times that are so difficult and a world so serious and upset with everything, we don't get enough time to really laugh or enjoy ourselves like we should. So take a quick break from your TPS reports and read a strip or two, quit bitching on the forums how you think Bush is a great president and view a comic, or just sit down and leave nasty comments about my work and how it sucks. Whatever you do, please leave some feedback and tell friends. I want to be able to make people laugh because we deserve more humor in our lives.

Good Times # 2: "Chaz"

2006-06-27T15:37:00.000-04:00

I figured I would post a few of them today for your viewing pleasure. A new challenger appears! What say you?

Good Times

2006-06-27T14:09:00.000-04:00

Okay, so in my battles with my boredom, I've come up with an ingenius plot: to create a mediocre web comic with as little resources as possible.

Okay, so it was an excuse. I have no money to afford an expensive image editing software and I wanted to try my hand at some humor, so I whipped open MSPaint and went at it. There will probably be 2-3 a week until I get a job, but we'll see what happens.

Go easy, it's my first time . . .

Myspace: Or is it?

2006-05-20T23:59:00.000-04:00

I kind of left off at my last post complaining about myspace. I think it's about due that I say something about it. First off, I have a myspace page, so the experiences are true that I will share. Also, I use the page to keep in contact with friends who are far away. Since I'm not at college anymore, it's pretty useless right now. However, I'm a little pissed about other issues with myspace.

First off, if you haven't heard of myspace.com, you probably haven't been using the internet very long, because 99% of everybody you know has a damned page. Myspace, for the "interweb retarded" out there, is an online social community, an oxymoron in itself. It's a true sign of our times that some people will actually pick this site first when it comes to their options of interactions with others. People can add friends, post messages, and spiff up their profile page with all kinds of neat shit, making them cooler than in real life.

The first thing that really pisses me off, is the amazingly large population of whores on myspace, ages 12-40. The younger audience is my focus, because that will lead to the next topic, so stay tuned. Younger girls who post slutty pictures of themselves are doing it for one of a few reasons. The number reason I believe, like most women, they're attention whores. They need eyes on them to feel good about themselves. Now don't get all fem-nazi on me, I know some women have decency, but a lot of them are losing it at a very early age these days, it's what we're teaching them. Most likely, she's a rape victim waiting to happen because these over made-up dumbasses don't take into account all the creepy needle-dicks out there who use myspace as a tool to lure young children.

Parents also get pissed because when this situation occurs (it has before) and some girl gets attacked, molested, or harassed by someone she met through myspace. They try to blame the website for this problem. I bet it was your nipple-slippin', teabaggin', ass-jigglin' camwhore of a slutbag daughter you've got that needs to be punished, not the actual page. What the hell did it do? It's an objective vehicle that goes wherever the user drives it, myspace did not make your daughter a prostitute, she was born that way.

As I've said before, one of the few reasons I support the death penalty, is because pedophiles exist. Adults that bang children should be killed when charged.

"Guilty of sex with a minor" says the judge, so the baliff pulls out a gun.

BOOM! HEADSHOT!

"Next case . . . Tickler Vs. Cornerworker?"

Pedophiles just seem to leak from the hooker-laden webpages of Myspace. Once again, this is because of two things. One, the offender hasn't gotten any since his mom sucked him off on prom night because he couldn't get a date, so he's fucked up already and bonkin' underage girls is this guy's game. Instead of exercising a little self control, he flexes his two-inch penis with one hand while surfing the web with the other. Two, we return to the camwhore problem. People, you need to understand something about wanting attention and this goes to everyone, not just Myspace hookers. When you do something rash to attract attention, you will always get negative attention as well. Rash as in, posting a picture of your 13 year old body in a bathing suit, or perhaps wearing one of those fantastic glitter letter shirts that say things like 'diva', 'cutie', or 'mommy's little rugmuncher.' Now I'm trying not to blame the victims here, but you need to understand the consequences of your actions. If you want to avoid pedophiles, don't be a cock teaser, especially on a website full of annonymous people! If you ever meet a pedophile, kill it. No one will care.

I can always get a good laugh however, when I'm surfing through the endless pile of garbage pages of angsty teens and burnt out adults. Another thing I truly cannot stand is whiggers. I've probably said it before, but nothing irks me more than some douche bag in a do rag, flapping his faggot gums about how he's got the tough life, or how he's going to bang some ho's, and talk about how people need to respect him. You're white, not black. Blacks don't want you, we don't want you, so just do the math . . . and step in front of a bus or something and save us all a lot of time and energy. I also do enjoy those pathetic videos kids make on youtube.com, talking about how the haters gotta stop hating and how we all got to respect them. Bullshit. You're already a pompous ass just for posting a video of yourself, now you're twice that because you expect to be handed respect and not actually earn it from me. Expecting respect automatically loses you respect, ironically.

If you've over at least three profiles on myspace, you've probably come across a person who has over one hundred friends. Here's another crime of the highest order of stupidity. There are users on myspace who cruise to random pages and abuse the "add friend" button. They're so damned shallow and low on confidence that they have to validate their social superiority through the divine art . . . of being a total asshole. Being a total asshole, of course meaning that they try to add as many friends as possible so they look cool around everyone else that sees their page. 9 out of every 10 users on myspace does not know most of the friends on their list.

Another thing that displays the true sadness that is the users of myspace, is the recent trend of 'trackers', websites that offer ways of seeing who views your profile. It is kind of creepy to realize that there may be quite a few people that look at your myspace each day, yet you don't know them. However, the disturbing part of this trend was that all of these trackers ARE BULLSHIT. They don't work, all you end up doing is giving the company that made the site free advertising. How empty does your life have to be that you need to know who sees your profile each day?

Bulletins are posts that you can make that are visible to friends on your friends only. You think it would just be a source of sending all or most of your friends messages about your day, or something simple like that. Nope. People use this resource as a means to do many things. Quizzes that ask you 60+ random and pointless questions, stupid sex games (such as, "would you like a booty call? sign here!"), and . . . trackers. The quizzes really do amaze me sometimes, with questions like "who's bed did you sleep in last night?" and "Have you ever killed anyone?" and "what's your favorite position?", it's clear that we can assume one of two things. One, that the relatively smaller adult base of myspace's user population had their bulletins and creepy sex messages duplicated by tweenagers, who are so eager to drop their pants that they have to keep spare tissues on them in case of unexpected explosions, who in turn use the posts as ways of looking cool around their friends who are also confused as fuck about sex. Or two, that there really is a large base of 'gangstas' and 'whores' out there. So I've come up with a solution, a branch off of myspace called "Mypimp.com" so that all these STD farms and whiggers ass pirates can migrate the fuck off of myspace.

Come on ladies, why?

2006-05-19T14:39:00.000-04:00

I want to share something with you, the only two or three people that will ever read this, that has bothered me since high school. Why do women think that just because I'm a guy, that all I want is to dance in your pants? I've seen that look before, that look that says "back off buddy, you're not getting any." Wanna know when I got that look? When holding a fucking door in senior year for some girl who had three books in her arms.

I've always tried to be a gentleman, as all men should. I hold doors, offer help to anyone who I think needs it, and try to be an overall nice guy to those I know and do not know. A common feminist propaganda slogan has always been that guys want nothing but sex from women and that's all they think the female gender exists for. Well, that's total pig shit.

I had to deal with being the "creepy" and "loser" kid throughout middle and high school. I don't know why it was me, I was not one to fight back easily because I didn't want to. I was a shy and peaceful kid. Of course, now I realize that I should have pushed back and stood up for myself. Naturally, this did nothing good for my social perception of the world. I gathered that everyone laughed at me, everyone hated me, and that no one would be my friend without getting paid for it. With this in mind, it's safe to assume I never had a girlfriend in high/middle school, which was true. The only thing I could do was be nice to girls and hope they'd respond.

I held the door for this unamed whore, who was always a bitch to me, laughing at me, and calling me names whenever her friends were around. But I was too polite to spite her, so I held a door for her because she had a lot of books in hand. My mistake. I should have let the door shut on her pompous face and let her fall on her anorexic ass, then she'd have a reason to hate me. Instead, I held it and she flashed me a stare I'll never forget.

You know how it is when someone gives you a look so clear that you know just what they're thinking or wanting to say. Well this tramp gave me a glare that seemed to be an odd mix of disgust, pain, and sadness. It was a strange look that translated to, "No I won't fuck you, loser." Now, this wasn't just my pathetic assumption, I later heard her talking to her friends and saying that she thought I was stalking her and wanted her. I could have easily snapped. I should have, because now my reputation had sunk lower than it had ever been.

What am I getting? Well ladies, not all guys are boner flailing horn dogs who want nothing more than just a bit of poontang pie, some of us are actually human and think with the right head. The amount of nice guys in this world is diminishing quickly and girls are settling for guys that no one should ever even think of going near. On the other hand however, to the girls who can't keep their hands off of anything with a penis, you need to check yourself.

And guys, one last thing . . . stop hitting on girls with Myspace. If you seriously suck at life so much that you have to stalk teenagers on a webpage, kill yourself. Or hopefully someone else will kill you. Nothing is more disgusting than some socially retarded ass tickler who hits on fifteen year old girls.

And to girls on the same note, STOP BEING MYSPACE WHORES. If I see another myspace page with a picture of a fourteen year old in skimpy clothing, I'm going to burn something. With the flames shooting from eyes and the gasoline spewing from my forehead. A major turn off for me is when a woman does not respect her body. If she travels like the town bike, letting everyone ride her, then she deserves everything she gets. Girls who try to get attention by pumping out picture after slutty picture of them strattling couches or chairs should not be allowed to bitch about stalkers.

Damnit. People piss me off.

Snippets Vol. 2

2006-04-23T13:06:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so I'm still alive. I haven't had much to post about lately with school, work, and other issues, that and Jack Thompson still hasn't answered my e-mail, the douche.
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Why is getting plastered and forgetting where you are considered such a great time? I feel like I'm missing out on something great, but each time I've drank, nothing amazing has happened. It's funny how everyone seems to think that it's a great time. Refer to Bill Cosby's piece on "Having a great time."
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Joe Lieberman, political cancer extraordinaire, seems to think the Center for Disease Control needs to investigate gaming. The Center for Disease Control? Maybe they should investigate that bullshit spewing, festering lump growing out of your shoulders first. Could be contagious.
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Fuck Ann Coulter and his plastic agenda. She's (it has an Adam's apple, it's a dude) a woman who shouldn't have a job by her ideals of women being weak and dumb, thinks that everyone who disagrees with her is liberal, and really needs a heavy metallic object thrown at her nuts.
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The third revision Xbox 360 is rumored to run faster, smoother, and consume less power than present 360 models. See? That's why you NEVER buy a launch console.
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Silent Hill is the first game movie to garner a "good" rating movie review from me. Don't even say Tomb Raider, it sucked.
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People who wear crosses the size of dinner plates are definitely not in it for Jesus.
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Roger Ebert needs a new job, his movie reviews are flacid and dry and he couldn't tell a plotline if it jabbed a pinecone up his ass.
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Green Day is NOT punk. Their old stuff was, their new stuff is pop, deal with it. If you just started listening to Green Day, listen to the old stuff first and realize how much they suck now. Boulevard of Broken Dreams is punk right? Bull-fucking-shit.
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As far as a woman for president goes, there are no good candidates. Clinton is a pro-censorship douche-pickle and Rice is a psychopath. Can someone present me with a reasonable candidate?
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Just some general thoughts that I've been having. If I think of anything else, I'll be sure to post them.

I'm still alive

2006-04-20T00:40:00.000-04:00

For those of you who care, don't worry, this blog isn't dead. I've just had a lot of things to deal with lately and I will get around to writing something when I have the time. Finals are about to hit and they're going to hit hard. So bear with me and keep checking back.

Just some FYI and possible hints at a new blog, Ann Coulter is really getting on my nerves. Never in my life has a single woman angered me so much. Hell, even Jackoff Thompson is getting back into the news. A return for whacko Jacko? We'll see.

Snippets Vol. 1

2006-02-15T15:57:00.000-05:00

There's not really a subject for this post, it's just odds and ends of things I've been wondering all week. The occasional paragraph rant or one liner to represent my thoughts are going to be here in a little piece I call "snippets."

When I was in the cafeteria the other day, I swore I heard, "-what vagina does that?" Of course, I was intrigued. What the hell were these strange people talking about? I turned to find them but noticed that there were several groups of people behind me. Now, I will never know what that conversation was about, nor will my curiosity be satisfied without knowing the answer. Thus, I'll be bothered by it the whole day. I had experienced a snippet. A snippet (by my definition) is a piece of a conversation, TV show, Radio show, or something of the sort that you hear and it completely baffles you. It's usually in passing when you hear it and it astounds you because you need to know why they said it. Here we go then!

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Why are so many people so damn bitter on Valentine's day? Just because they don't have someone to share it with, they're going to bitch to the world. I don't complain when Chanukah comes around because they have eight nights of presents and us Christians only get one. Some seem to think it's cool and rebellious to walk around in their little veil of v-day (the 'hip' slang for the holiday by giving it a liking to d-day) angst, spiting everyone holding hands. This is the first year I've ever had a reason to celebrate valentine's day, but I wasn't bitter any of the other 13 years I can remember. I wasn't a brooding, drooling, angry gorilla about the whole thing. Get over it. You don't need to have a holiday to love someone anyways, you should be giving them this kind of treatment every day.
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Have you ever used one of those jet-engine hand dryers? I was at a convenience store recently and in the bathroom, they had this automatic hand dryer that could peel skin. I was half asleep after a long trip and I put my hands under it, only to have both of them severed at the wrists and my body thrown to the ground. I think they went a little overboard.
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The next person who tells me not to eat meat is getting kicked in the groin
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The next person who tells me rap is good music is getting kicked in the groin
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The next person who tells me not to eat meat and listen to rap music is getting a gentle push off the side of a cliff . . . into shark infested water
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Marguerite Perrin is next week's FASOW. Go to her official website to find out why
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Jack Thompson still has not responded to any of my e-mails. His status is now, "cowardly political skidmark." Do they do testicular transplants yet? Time to get one, Jackoff
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Why do people insist on buying a 16 oz. bottle of Evian water for two bucks? Isn't that a bit of a waste? You could have bought the two dollar hooker you always wanted and contracted a less infectious disease than your pathetic consumerisms
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www.ytmnd.com wins the Ass-Kickery Award for the week for . . . well, kicking so much ass
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No one watches the Olympics. Why bother televising them? And why does anyone bother facing Canada? I passed the channel they were on and saw that they were raping Italy 10-0. Why fuckin' bother, eh?
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That has been my randomness for today. If you are offended, suck a duck.

FASOW #2: The collegiate hygiene-Impaired

2006-02-06T15:31:00.000-05:00

When I came to college, I predicted the most predominant problems would be drugs and alcohol. Never in my most absurd dreams would I have imagined what would become the most imminent threat to our college community: restroom etiquette.

How is it possible that going to the bathroom would prove itself as more challenging than alcohol intake amongst students? It is very disturbing that my floor keeps getting letters of warning for bathroom hygiene. This is college, you should have learned self-cleanliness in elementary school. The next time I walk into the bathroom with a turd floating around the bowl, I'm going to have to hurt someone. That's fuckin' disgusting. Who honestly forgets to flush the toilet? It amazes me that anyone can do that. The sad part is that it seems to be more the women than the men. Wow, and us men get the label of 'slobs'. I guess a lot of things change in college.

I'm not saying I've never done this before, but I'm saying I've never done this stuff on purpose. It's okay if once in awhile, you throw a used paper towel and miss, or if you spill soap on the ground. That's human, making mistakes. Hell, this country's foundation is based on mistakes. However, habitually missing the bowl, not flushing, spitting on the floor, or leaving your junk around is just plain and simply put . . . fuckin' gross. I went into the bathroom the other day and found blood on the sink. Wrong. Get a damned tissue.

The mere fact that college-aged people have to be reminded of this is depressing. How do you expect to succeed if you can't even manage to flush? Oh, wait, R.Kelly pissed n' missed, yet he has a career. So nevermind in the career department then.

Simon Cowell says, "Flush it or chug it, bitch"
Hygienic retards, you fail.

FASOW #1: GLAAD

2006-01-25T12:19:00.000-05:00

Introducing the newest addition to my blog . . . the Flaming Asshole of the Week Awards! Each week (I'll try), someone, something, or some group will earn this prestigious award for their contributions to the degradation of American society. Without further ado, the winner of this week's award and the very first is . . .

GLAAD

I try my hardest not to be an anti-American (most of the times) because I think this is a great country in many true and comedic ways. However, the Constitution seems to prove day after how much of a pain in the ass it makes living here. I can't help but get pissed every time someone sues someone/something because it offends them. Insults, politically incorrect jokes, ethnic jabs, or racial slurs are kinds of offense terms. These are WORDS. Want to experience something offensive? Wait outside of Abercrombie wearing Lugz, a tilted baseball cap, and pants down to your knees, until I come around and smash you in the chest with a golf club. That's offensive.

Not the golf club or the collapsed lung, the clothing.

What I'm getting at with this rant on overly serious douche bags, ironically, is about a group named GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). GLAAD, which they obviously aren't, has recently fired off a few rounds at popular TV show American Idol for comments by the judges about a contestant who clearly didn't have a gender until he said he was a boy. Idol judge Randy Jackson said, "Are you a girl?" A very clear and honest question, nothing offensive, it was arousing his curiosity and he needed to find out. Hell, so did I.

The contestant defended himself from Jackson's comment by saying, "Nope, I pee standing up, just like you."

Amazing.

Let me state a few things here to start off. One, I have nothing against gays, lesbians, or the "genderly confused" as I refer to some of them. Two of my best friends came out of the closet and it didn't bother me. I still remain to this day good friends with them with no regrets or discomfort towards either of them. If GLAAD could just pull their heads out of their asses, they would realize that there are much better ways to get their points about diversity across rather than blasting a few TV stars. I also began watching American Idol this season after I saw a few clips of Simon Cowell, master of the universe, shooting down talentless goofs.

Why can't people just shut the fuck up? It really bothers me that everyone is offended by everything. It's sickening. Why is every single damned person in this country upset with everything? What the hell do you people have to worry about so much? Has anyone ever seen third world countries before? Those are some pretty desperate and hopeless people. Let's see how much bitching you do over your latte when some starving kid with an open, infected wound asked for a nickel. Granted, some people have real reasons to complain, but most don't.

Did you pass by a radio station playing a song by an atheist band *GASP!!*? Guess what? You can change the fuckin' radio, it's a perk of common technology. Don't want it? Don't hear it. Was there a movie in the rental place with a woman in a string bikini on the cover? Oh my! But whadaya know? YOU DON'T HAVE TO RENT IT.

These GLAAD assholes need to find other ways of glorifying themselves rather than latching onto the celebrity of a show like American Idol. There are plenty of people who support your cause (I'm one of 'em) but these little preschool games have to stop. You have to stop pointing fingers and screaming, "You made fun of me, I'm telling!" That's just lame.

Congratulations GLAAD, on your contributions to the degradation of American society through pretentious and infantile protest of a harmless TV show for your own gains.

Simon Cowell Scale of Sucktitude: Dreadful
Congratulations, GLAAD, you fail.

I hesitated, but no more . . . Jack Thompson

2006-01-21T13:13:00.000-05:00

http://news.gaminghorizon.com/media2/1137635340.3198.html
(The above is a news story of a gamer who took his own life)

Saddening news. How could it be worse? Let me start off by saying I have hesitated for quite awhile when it comes to writing about a certain individual. I have followed stories of him and ridiculed him, enjoying his constant overall failure at life and his 'war' he's waging. The man I speak of is named Jack "I-have-a-thorny-midget-in-my-ass" Thompson, who will be referred to as Jackoff because he was a waste of sperm.

Jack Thompson, a man with a P.h.D in political and cultural bullshit and an insatiable appetite for lighting unnecessary fires and teabagging, is quite possibly the most irreverent and intolerable ass pirate on the face of the planet.

Thompson is an attorney from Florida, which as we know, is the political center of the universe. He is one of, and could be the most active, anti-video game activist in the world. When he is not licking stamps and sniffing his dirty laundry in his spare time, he's spouting off about video games, insulting gamers (because picking on all ranges of children is grown up and fun!), and getting his ass kicked off of court cases where he has no right being. His escapades include comparing the video game industry to Pearl Harbor. Real good one there, Jackoff.

The reason I brought up that news story is to support a point. Jack Thompson needs help. After reading this story, he quickly responded with his usual logic. I'm going to show the letter he wrote in response to the news story, then do what I do best: assassinate it.

"Your "gamer friend" will find peace through the Lord, Jesus Christ, but sadly it's too late for that.

I've got a bit of a newsflash for you Jackoff . . . there's more than one religion in the world! Devout douche bag. You can't even construct a proper sentence. He will find peace, yet it's too late? Pick up a copy of The English Language for Complete Morons and figure shit out.

There is a void in every heart. You can fill it up with the things of God, or the things not of God. This unfortunate soul chose to fill it up with combat games. The playing of these video games is masturbatory activity, meaning senseless self-stimulation. If you gamers could use a dictionary you would know that that term is not necessarily a sexual one.

Well, ditching your state when the hurricanes hit was pretty senseless too, don't you think? We didn't hear anything from your dumbass until quite a few days after Katrina and of course, it wasn't about the hurricane. If you're such a fucking savior, why didn't you do something? And isn't validating your fading celebrity through angry religion-induced arguments and the degradation of people a senseless self-stimulating activity? Another thing that isn't getting Jackoff any fan mail is the fact that he keeps demeaning gamers. I can hear his response now: "Gamers cannot be demeaned any further; they are lost souls with no purpose in their miserable lives." If he had simply seen gamers as people and not as drones of Satan, then perhaps he would have some respect. Scratch that.

The real tragedy here extends beyond the life and death of this one fellow. There are literally millions of young people and young adults whose despair is deepend by turning to the things of this world and then finding them meaningless.

Aww, Jackoff has a soul! Here I was thinking he was a meat shell. How long did it take you to thesaurus that sentence? Those words are a bit big for you.

All of you gamers need to put down the controllers and get a life. The utter inanity of the vast majority of postings here shows how vapid "gaming" really is.

Silly, silly old senile man, if only both halves of your brain worked. Jackoff is once again proving that he is nothing more than a school ground bully who gets rocks off by insulting anonymous people online. If only 2% of the gamers in the world could talk with him face-to-face, one at a time, Thompson would hang himself after realizing what an idiot he really is and how empty his arguments are.

You are one of the cheerleaders for this wasting of time and the wasting of lives. Do you feel any remorse for having contributed to this "culture of death?" Of course not. Hey, let's all play MORE games, and ignore all the really productive things to do with our lives.

Whoa . . . fuck off! Did he just mention productivity? Holy hell! The hypocrite alarm sounds and Jackoff loses even more credibility. So all of this influential and important political action (of such a high order) is productive? Geez, and here I was thinking flame wars with teenagers was inane and unimportant!

Let's pretend to be shocked that a gamer might descend into deeper depression, as his gamer "buds," knowing he was killing himself, couldn't figure out how to call 911 themselves for him. That would have involved leaving their computers I guess.

Sad. Sad for all of you."

- http://www.ctrlaltdel-online.com/

Alright, you know what? I'm just going to come out and say it: Jack, you're a little bitch. You're once again attempting to gain notice through the suffering of others. Did Jesus teach you this moral? Personally, I think Jesus would've smitten you already if he hadn't been so busy enjoying your torment here on Earth. People like you think that they're paladins, heavenly warriors sent to save and redeem all of us. What people need to realize, is sometimes they need to shut up and let people sort their shit out themselves. I'm not shooting down helpfulness towards others, but if a guy kills someone and blames it on a game, he's on his own. His dumbass got trouble because he was too stupid when it came to telling fiction from fact. We don't need people like Jack Thompson. People like Jackoff serve a better purpose as mulch.

And Jack, to you, I'd like to inform you of several things:

Gamers do not meet your stereotypical norm
Video games are a hobby, are you going to jail someone for building model planes?
Religion should never be brought into a political issue, it complicates EVERYTHING
Your logic is flawed
Your mindset is damaged
Your parents never loved you
You were adopted
You're going down, whether you know it or not

Cookies for Tookie

2006-01-17T23:58:00.000-05:00

Title says it all. My father and I had a discussion about this the other week. One thing really started to "grind my gears" so to say. I read about Tookie Williams, the founder of The Crips, an infamous gang of thugs and criminals in LA. He had several crimes to his record and was sentenced to death, a punishment that has recently been executed. Literally.

What people just don't seem to understand, is that he was profitting from the indulgence of the common people. Everyone loves a reformed person. However, this man was a cold-blooded murderer. His crazy ass cracked while he was in prison. After he got tired of continuously assaulting guards and inmates, he decided he wanted out and started writing children's books. This cutesy turn of events supposedly gave him enough credit to recieve clemency. The Governator denied it, which was appropriate.

What really ticks my clock is that there were celebrities there to cheer him on and protest his imminent death. Celebrities ruin everything, they alter people's moods and zombify them. They shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near it. Another idiotic ideal, is this idea that Tookie can write a few books and claim that he's a changed man, he's redeemed.

Bullshit.

Someone who commited such grisley crimes deserves proper punishment. Fuckin' period.

I really didn't want to play the race card, but one great little tidbit is the presence of black power supporters and groupees. Why do people have to bring race into this issue? What a great and convenient way to really stir up a fuckin' bee's nest. Unfairly gathering numbers by making it seem that this was all a racial thing. Don't get me wrong, race probably was a problem, but we don't need it present. Ignore it. Racism never solved anything, yet there are still people out there who think so.

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not against the death penalty. I believe that there are some people that are born that can't be helped. Whether it be through their upbringing, surroundings, or biological disposition, some people cannot be rescued. Sometimes, your arms will not reach far enough to save the needy. This is fact that needs to be accepted. We are under the influence that everyone can be saved when that's not the truth. There are many ways to help others along, most definitely. But that does not mean they will always be redeemed.

Killers do not change, old habits die hard, you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. Whatever way you see it, there was no saving this man. He was wishing upon a nonexistent star, praying not to God, but another day to breath in the fresh air before he would fade away.

The Raping of Cookie Monster

2006-01-05T12:02:00.000-05:00

I'm sure people who have visited here before, talked with or know me personally, understand that I strongly dislike parents these days. They've been ruining everything for kids. Toys can't be sharp and dangerous anymore, foods must be low fat and healthy, and entertainment must be sterile and bland. What I've come here to discuss today is something I myself have recently learned. Cookie Monster, the cookie munching character from Sesame Street, has been raped. Anally.

First off, if you don't know what Sesame Street is, then you didn't have a childhood, it was a lie. You were a test tube child born without any true emotions or feelings, sucks for you.

Cookie Monster is well known for his insatiable appetite for cookies. No problem right? Wrong. Conforming to America's venomous "Healthy lifestyles" trend, the children's television show Sesame Street (all you tubers can skip to the end, this doesn't concern you) has ruined one of it's icons. Instead of ingesting countless cookies, he now eats fruits and vegetables. That's right, Cookie Monster is now a fruit. His cookie gobbling is used as comedic relief now, not as part of his usually routine.

Then, as if it couldn't get any worse, they played out a hip-hop scene with Cookie Monster jammin' with some lame black rapper about healthy foods. Bullshit. At that point, I wanted to stab someone. How could you just bend the poor blue guy over and jam a stalk of celery up his ass?

See, that's the problem. People will never, NEVER, do anything that they can get someone else to do. So why teach your kids something like healthy eating when you can just bitch to your congressman and get him to do something about it? Or how about sending angry, pompous letters to the corporations that own these shows, complaining about their lack of proper content?

Damn these people. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Music DOES motivate and cause violence

2005-12-13T14:02:00.000-05:00

Before you get all uptight and defensive, hear me out. I'll reiterate and state that I'm a college student. Right now I'm smack in the middle of finals week, so it sucks right now. Constant work and study with holiday (Oh shit, I almost said Christmas! Oh noes11!!!11!) vacation taunting me from a distance. Little to say, I'm on edge and I'm squeezing my way through crunch time. How could this get any worse? Very easily my friend. Let daddy tell you a story of struggle, sadness, pain, triumph, and glory. A story which may make you wonder what you've taken for granted. This is my story.

A month ago, my computer went on the fritz and started giving me trouble. If you read my rant on viruses and spyware, you know how I felt. I wanted to roundhouse kick someone in the jugular, preferably the culprit who made the virus that I undoubtedly had. It's an inconvenience and I wasn't short on tools to defeat it. With AdAware in one hand, Spybot in the other and Norton standing by, I waged war on my computer. Raiding and pillaging unknown folders, I assaulted, burned, and raped suspicious files, blasting megabytes into kilobytes, satisfying my feral rage towards computer invasion. I tasted the blood of my victims and felt the pride of destroying the threat. That battle was over, the war was not.

A little time after this, during what I believed to be a new era of calmness on my computer, thanks to the aid of my antispyware and antivirus programs, I discovered a problem. There was infection lingering. First, my printer stopped working, my internet became hazy, and last and most damaging of all . . . iTunes was murdered.

My veins pulsated with emotions. I was angry, sad, loathful, angry, and depressed all at the
same time. I wanted someone punished. My cries of agony and pain went unheard as I realized I had lost the war.

So here we are back to viruses. I just can't say this enough, who leads such a shit-eating life that they decide to come home and code viruses? No wait, strike that because people who do this kind of thing don't come home . . . because they never leave. Theses are the kinds of degenerate ass rashes that sit at home all day, jerking to anime and being 1337. If you know what that means, you've been infected. If you use that phrase, consider breastfeeding grizzly bears. Scumbag.

I'm tired and angry, so if you want more, then wait.

Calling all whales and other large sea creatures

2005-12-06T19:03:00.000-05:00

I have a quick question for all the overweight women out there: why the hell do you wear slutty clothes?

First let's define overweight. I'm not too much of a shallow guy when it comes to women, but I can draw lines between skinny, average, and mammoth. Someone who is overweight is someone who has trouble doing trivial things such as tying their shoes, sitting down, running, moving. Someone with a little weight is not disgusting as we've been taught. To have a little weight makes a woman curvaceous, something that is more desirable than a girl you could use as a toothpick.

It's been said before, I know. However, I need to vent this because I too have found that I cannot stand these girls who wear inappropriate clothes. What possesses someone who's the size of a dump truck to stare in the mirror and think to themselves, "Well, seeing as I'm now a complete waste of space and burden to my friends and family, I should put the cherry on top by killing any remaining portion of my self-respect! Whorebag's Clothing, here I come!"

I feel insensitive saying this kind of stuff, but it's necessary. Why become a trashy skank by wearing unsightly clothing just to feel better about your self? Is self satisfaction really worth throwing out your sense of decency and sooner or later your virginity? Never mind, you people will probably never get around to sex before some animal rights group tosses your whale-ass back into the ocean.

Who gives a shit if someone doesn't like the way you look because you're fat? You don't need to dress like a prostitute just because it's the hip and trendy style. Most of the time, the women who dress like that are shallow, unconfident, weak, and easily manipulated. Unless that's what you're aiming for, in which case I'd advise you to kindly fuck off. We don't need you.

How are these people parents?

2005-12-04T14:55:00.000-05:00

I'm anti-censorship because I think it's stupid that people have the need to edit content that they feel is insensitive or offensive. Censoring is just a way of softening people so they can be molded easier by their media masters. By desensitizing the country and making everyone think that bloody movies motivates violent tendencies in people and that explicit lyrics in music make children volatile, we are teaching everyone that regulation is acceptable. And regulation is not always acceptable because it is a form of unwanted control.

Take the recent incidents in the gaming community. Video games have come under fire ever since they first appeared several decades ago. Accusations that they make children zombies, cause children to kill people, cause children to isolate themselves, cause children . . . wait, is there a trend here? Why, yes there is! We're saving the children from the horrors of video games!

Now who is the 'we' I just referred to? Parents and politicians, or PP's, which can also be denoted as 'dicks'. So, we've got these dicks that believe that electronic entertainment is the source of all childhood problems. There's only one problem with this claim: the parents who believe in this shit are horrible parents. It's easy to see.

A protective mother/father will defend their child if he/she is threatened, it's a natural defense. So when Billy's principal calls and informs you that he knifed a kid because he wouldn't pass a book during reading time, take a look around. What do you, the parent, do in this situation?

a) Deny that you have a son named Billy
b) Notice that Billy likes Playstation and ignore the fact that you bought a ten year old a hunting knife because ignorance is bliss after all and inevitably file suit against a gaming company because they transformed your child into a vicious soul-dead killing machine
c) Make burritos
d) Double-check your parenting skills

If you chose:

A ---> You are a cowardly bastard with no hope for improvement. Dodging problems doesn't make them go away
B ---> Kill yourself
C ---> Awesome, save me some
D ---> AHA! Problem detected!

"The games are to blame!" - Soccer mom

Guess what, ass flame? You're a cranky and simple-minded twit with whom no one but other cranky idiots agree with. No one in this country wants to accept or take blame. They are perfectly fine when it comes to shipping it out though. It takes a very strong and respectable person to come out and accept the consequences of his/her actions. Most parents are not part of this group.

Billy, the child in this example, obviously has some issues here. However, while the games may possibly be part of the reason, they are rarely (.0421% of the time) the whole problem. Interactive entertainment can be very persuasive because it is interactive which can create feelings of reality. There's one important thing every child needs to be taught in this phony world, is the borderline between true and false, pretend and real, fiction and fact. Billy obviously did not have a firm grasp on the handlebars of reality and thus slammed his bike head on into the telephone poll of "Oh shit, I'm a dumbass."

A few important factors to take in when it comes to Billy and his little stabbing incident (it's exaggerated, I know, shut the hell up), the way he was brought up should be raised into question, not his hobbies. A good parent should raise their child and teach them that the TV they watch and games they play (if any) are for fun only and that they are unrealistic. Parents don't spend enough time with their children anymore and do not raise them properly. Everyone is so damn busy that they don't spend the time necessary to establish a lasting bond and trust with their sons and daughters.

What do I mean by "not raise them properly"? Well, the thing that bothers me the most is that a lot of people look to books and magazines to give them advice on raising a child. There's only one problem:

YOU'RE NOT RAISING THE KID

If you're following guidelines laid down by an author or magazine, then they're the ones raising them. People are so unsure of themselves these days thanks to all sorts of pressures and anxieties that something majorly important like parenthood causes a panic to be great. They need to be the best parent, yet ironically, they search for what they believe to be valuable input from others.

So please parents, take some blame with that heaping portion of bullshit you love so much and do us all a favor by being good parents. All parents can and should make mistakes because it will help you and your family in the long run. No one ever learned anything from constant success.

Go ahead and try to convert me

2005-12-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

Jehovah's witnesses. No one likes 'em and no one wants to deal with them. The last thing I need is some shmuck peddling divinity early in the morning. Unless that guy has a dozen donuts and an MDX, chances are he's/she's (remember kids, religions are all about equality!) going to get a pelvis kick. Either that, or I'm lawn darting them, head first, into the sidewalk. Religion is no reason to wake up that early in the morning. Hell, I don't even get up for work, what makes you think I'd rise an hour early for some invisible man in the sky? You know what I'd get up early for?

I hate it when people of any religion try to convince me that what I believe is wrong. Many religions rely on people being weak and simple-minded, that way you are easier to convert. They'll target the people that will buy the whole story hook, line, and holy water. This is why so many devoutly religious people (any religion, I'm not just targeting one) sound absolutely bonkers. All the rhetoric that they spew daily infects every facet of their lives. Thus, I could be waiting for my groceries to be bagged and someone to say something religious like Merry Christmas! How does that clerk know I’m Christian? If I was Islamic, it’d be a damn awkward situation, wouldn’t it?

So what's the problem? Easy, all the people with dust-filled heads float around the churches and monasteries, completely blindfolded by a greater meaning that doesn't have basic grounds of evidence and recruit people of the same mental capacity. Thus, we’ve got a whole army of mindless ‘disciples’ with divine intervention firmly planted in their minds. Want to know how low religion can sink? Scientology. I think that speaks for itself.

Maybe I'm just an asshole who doesn't believe a lot of things that he can't touch, hear, or see. Does it make me an asshole to challenge what I've been taught? I was raised Christian and have no real quarrels with being raised that way. I learned respect and love through it. I do not agree with most of Christianity, but it had no lasting effects on me.

I guess it just boils me that these people are praying on the weak by impressing their own mindsets upon others. I think it's cowardly to take advantage of someone who is insecure in their emotions and thoughts. Don't get me wrong, it's their faults. I believe that people are responsible for all their decisions and to find meaning on their own. So all you bible thumpers can gladly leave me alone, unless you are looking for free dental work.

One last thing while we're on the religious track here, when you see a large pine tree, adorned with lights, ornaments, garland, strings of popcorn, etc. You say holiday tree right? No, it's a Christmas tree. A new trend in America's regression back to the days of the caveman is softening language.

According to Yahoo!News, it has actually become a fairly heated debate. "Why call it a holiday tree? Shouldn't do that any more than calling a Menorah a candlestick," said Matthew Staver, of the Liberty Counsel.

My favorite quote from the article, however, came from a Rabbi talking about the issue. "I do believe it's a religious symbol. Let's acknowledge it for what it is," said Rabbi Rick Sherwin. "This country is not a melting pot. It's a salad, and each of us brings to the salad our own taste."

It's a fucking Christmas tree. End of argument.

Disagree? Email me at bitchslap@yourface.com

What has Paris Hilton done for you lately?

2005-11-29T17:12:00.000-05:00

I've never had much liking for America's mainstream media. It's vapid, dry, fake, and mind-numbing. We teach our children to be sluts and gangsters (inadvertently or not) and marginalize women and minorities. As if to prove how useless it truly is, the media has this disgusting habit of reporting news that isn't really news.

Who cares who J-lo married this week? Do you? You shouldn't. People are so consumed by Hollywood that their heads eventually implode and they become Republican. Bad news.

We need to stop pampering celebrities and giving them all of this press. They're always whining about how they want privacy, so let's give it to them. I bet if all of the news media outlets were outlawed from crapping out it's usual 30-50 different articles/cover stories/broadcasts per week for a whole month, a lot would happen.

First, news ratings would plummet. Why? Americans are empty people who need to be reminded everyday that there's someone out there with twelve more cars and four more houses than they ever will have. This obsession with the 'stars' is more of a disease than bulimia ever was. All the soccer moms and dads would have nothing to babble about at those pointless youth games. I feel sad already.

Second, most celebrities wouldn't know what to do with themselves. It would be such a drastic change to not have some crotch-infected media snob rooting around their garbage that many famous folk would not know how to handle it. Tom Cruise would wander the landscape, searching for television plugs, 50 Cent would have to resort to shooting his butler, Ryan Seacrest . . . wait, he's not considered a 'celeb', is he? Hopefully not.

Thridly, Paris Hilton would die, which wouldn't be too bad. Attention whores like her eat themselves from the inside when all eyes aren't focused on them. Actually, I don't think Paris Hilton has eaten in years. Fuck 'er.

Get your faces out of that shitty People magazine and stop brooding over Nick and Jessica's breakup, NO ONE CARES. Jessica Simpson is as dumb and blonde as they come and does not newsworthy. Don't give me that stinking slander that her idiocy is an act, it isn't. One, she isn't that good of an actress (well, good enough to fake a relationship, which is easy) and two, SHE'S A FUCKING MORON, face it.

Computer Viruses: Punishable by Immense Pain

2005-11-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

I've been having all sorts of computer problems these days and it got me quite angry. I'm not illiterate when it comes to these machines, I have a basic but sufficient knowledge of how to deal with threats to my computer. However, I had contracted a virus from an unknown source (probably one of those mindless "Jesus loves you!!" chain mails) and have been spending some time protecting and disinfecting my computer.

I have a simple proposition for the punishment regarding the making and distribution of viruses. If convicted, you are shot in the kneecaps. Right in the courtroom. It's an easy and understandable discipline that will teach any person to stop what they're doing.

"Did you create this virus?" Says the judge.

"Yes, your honor," says the scum bag virus birth-mother.

BANG! On duty cop shoots scum bag in both kneecaps.

Scum bag writhes in agony as the jury applauds.

Problem solved.

I just don't get it. What drives someone to ruin something so great? Computers are wonderful tools that can be enjoyed by anyone. So why do the smart ones have such need to destroy them? If someone is going to spend the time concoctng and creating a virus, they should enough spare time to spend in jail for several years where they can become part of the social world. Well, unfortunately, that entrance to the social world may be in the form of a big dude with an "I kill kittens" tattoo.

People who program viruses are failed abortions.

The mentality of a man/woman who does this sort of thing is incomprehensible. Why? Someone please tell me why, I just don't see the meaning. Enlighten me. The ironic part is to have the capacity to make a virus, is to have great intelligence and to be a complete douchebag at the same time.

I know what you're thinking, why not just kill them? Simply put, these people do not deserve it. No one should have power over someone else's decision to live or die. If they want to kill themselves, fine, no intervention necessary. If someone wants to tell a woman that she can't have an abortion because it violates a rule created by an invisible man in the sky, then there's problems. What virus programmers need is a swift, painful, and moral punishment, something to teach them that they should be doing something else with their time. Possible punishments include:

Kneecapping
Sledgehammer to the groin
Repeated viewings of Catwoman
Tasers
Public humiliation (Oh the possibilities)
The Tropicana Torture
Keyboard beatings

See? Simple and easy ways to get the message through. With punishment like this, I doubt anyone would do this crap again. You'd see virus traffic slowing down mighty damn quickly.

Seriously, cut this shit out with the viruses. You're a loser with no life and in need of severe therapy. Seek counseling or a date with a grizzly bear and save the rest of us a hell of a lot of time and patience.

The Beginning

2005-11-28T10:40:00.000-05:00

My first post here on blogger.com!

First off, my name is Brian and I'm a college student here in the US of A who felt the need to be heard. There's never a shortage of things to complain/rant/rage about in this weird country of ours.

My main focus of this blog is going to be for ranting about my daily findings in the goofy world we live in and how I feel about them. There are a few things you ought to know about me so that you faint of heart know what to expect. First off, I have a strong dislike for the following groups of people:

Conservatives
Republicans
Over-religious folk (we'll get into that later)
MTV
Anti-war activists
Video game activists
PETA
Rappers
Wiggers (White guys who think they're black)
Guys named Josh/Evan/Dylan or some other pussy white-boy name
Everyone acting on or producing the TV show "The O.C."
Internet flamers/trolls
Attornies from Florida with chronic brain dysfunctions named Jack Thompson
Parents who blame others for their problems
Napoleon Dynamite
The people who made the Dr. Scholl's "Gellin" commercials

Okay, so the list is a tad long, big deal. To balance it a bit, I'll give you a brief idea of people or groups that I can either relate to or like:

Gamers
Open-minded people
Hard rockers
People who aren't offended by everything
People who are against censorship
Girls who respect themselves
The Italians
The police (They've got the right idea of punishment)

Perhaps I do have a better sight on my enemies. Meh, keep your enemies closer right?

That was just a warm-up to warn you, the readers. I plan on updating when I have an idea I believe needs sharing and opinions. And please, for the love of fried foods, don't ever tell me, "Well that's just your opinion!" You're an asshole, plain and simple. Go practice your yoga in the highway.